To the one who will be;
I have been thinking about writing this to you for quite some time. I may or may not have found you. Perhaps, you are the one who brushed past me in a hurry today morning at the train station or the one whom I cursed under my breath for stomping on my foot by mistake. You may also be the one sitting across the table to me in the library, getting intimidated and repelled by the ‘F’ word while I happily read my Virginia Woolf. I could go on and on.
But, whoever you are, wherever you are, this letter is only for you, and let me tell you beforehand that it is deeply personal, so you might have to prepare yourself a little to be able to endure it. This is to introduce you to the version of me that I’m slightly scared to show, but at the same time very eager to; the side of me that I want you to know and yet want to keep hidden from you; that side of me I know you will find difficult to handle, yet I’m letting myself bare, with a flickering hope in my heart that you would be able to contain me.
The first time we meet, I will be a bundle of nerves – sweating, stammering, and giggling. Small talk is not my cup of tea, so half the time I will not know what to say to you. It will be short and somewhat awkward. However, on subsequent such meetings, I will be calmer and things will become easier. I will open up about myself and want to know more about you – about your likes and dislikes, about your family, your childhood. I would want to embrace you completely – from your physical being to your deepest thoughts and emotions, your vulnerabilities and your strengths. At times, I will meet you in my favourite café and read to you from something I wrote; at others, I will sit in silence and read to myself. But, know, that in those moments, your presence – that I could just stretch my hand out and touch you – is what would matter to me the most. Sometimes, when we would talk about the most profound things in life, I will wrap a strand of your hair on my finger simply to annoy you and sometimes I will run my fingers through your hair to let you know that I will be there for you, now and forever.
A few years hence, into the future, when the skies pour, I will throw a blanket around us and sip my tea without a care in the world; but, on some days, I will also demand of you a dance in the rain and drag you out of the house despite your repeated refusals; then, again, on certain others, I will sit in the balcony all by myself and write my way to glory. Sometimes, when you would return all tired from work, I will cook us a hearty meal, light the candles and pour out some wine; and at other times, I will bury my face in your chest, listen only to the beating of your heart and cry myself to sleep for no reason at all.
I will be bold and brave and strong, but I will also be very very volatile and vulnerable, and nobody but you will know of it; my secrets will hopefully be safe with you. From my deepest feelings to my wildest fantasies, I will narrate it all to you with equal passion. But, on some days, I will only sit next to you, rest my head on your shoulder and absorb the beautiful silence. To me, our love will be like the sea, at times wild and tumultuous and at times, peaceful and calm.
There, I have translated almost every feeling that I possibly could, into words and yet, there are so many others that have my heart bursting – the writer in me fails them. And, for all those, I make a promise to you, that I will love you till the end of time!